This is a story I wrote for a competition that I entered recently, the rules were that you had to write something with 500 words of your choice or under and then you would be judged by librarians and teachers all over the country and advance in stages. I got to the second stage, but unfortunately I was not in the Top 25 of my age category. I hope you all enjoy this, and if you don't then please tell me your thoughts and constructive criticism on the notes page in the upper right corner of the screen!
My eyes stung as I watched icicles begin to form on my nose in the reflection of the frozen lake. Long hours spent waiting for the sudden jerk of the fishing rod in my gloved hands, yet there were no fish. “Perhaps one will come soon…” I mumbled to myself, dropping the rod and removing my gloves. I glanced down at my hands as it suddenly dawned on me that my fingertips had turned blue. I blew on them and harshly rubbed my palms together. I got up and looked around. There were my gloves, my fishing rod and my supplies at my feet, but surrounding me was emptiness. Paper-white emptiness.
I sat back down and kicked my fishing rod carelessly across the ice. It skidding along the ground and as I quickly got up and attempted to run towards it, three steps in I lost my footing, and fell. My right leg plunged into the sub-zero temperature fishing hole.
“Argh!” I shrieked, squirming vigorously as I tried to pull my leg out of the water before the cold began to bite. Suddenly I lost feeling in my toes and could feel the numbness creep towards my upper leg. I kicked at the ice around the small hole with my left foot as I pulled with my right. This frenzy endured for several seconds before –‘CRRRRRRRRACK!’
With an ear-piercing scream I fell into the water. The ice had collapsed and now my entire body was consumed by the freezing lake! Struggling to breathe, and distraught, I clawed at the surface but kept losing grip. The ice was too slippery to hold on to. Shaking my head from left to right, I squinted as I surveyed the area. I lost focus. My glasses had been left on the surface.
Through the blur I managed to focus on a long, thin stick. The fishing rod, perhaps? I reached my hands out to grasp it praying it to be of use. I could feel myself lose consciousness as oxygen failed to reach my brain, and began desperately banging the ice with my fists.
Everything went fuzzy… Lights flashing …
“Carly? Carly, CAN YOU HEAR ME?”
“C-A-N-Y-O-U-H-E-A-R-M-E?” a voice whispered.
I blinked as I opened my eyes to the glare. “Argh…close the blinds you Adam?” I winced. “Do I have to do everything around here?” He rolled his eyes as he handed me my dark glasses. “Thanks, Adam.” I sighed, as I got up from sofa. There was a loud thud on the ground as my little brother jumped on the sofa and knocked something over, reaching for the TV remote.
My hand instinctively reached out to grasp my white cane. I touched the ground around me, but could only feel the open book that had fallen off the sofa. ‘The Perils of Arctic Living’ I read aloud, as I ran my blue finger-tipped hands over the tiny raised bumps of braille.
Reihaneh on 31 May, 2020
Joanna on 1 April, 2017
I can't belive you didn't get the first place with a story like that! Keep writing
Meghan N. on 14 January, 2017
Isobel- I commented on one other story of yours. Girl you have an amazing future ahead of you!
Feuerelfe on 9 May, 2016Dear Isobel, I'm from Austria, so I don't speak english so well, but I liked nearly every word in your story! I think "slippery" is my favourite And I love how the story ends. A bit sad, but very touching and somehow humorous at the same time... well done!
ballerinarose on 7 May, 2015Very nice! I would love to see more by you.
Isobel C. on 14 February, 2015KayBee, It's actually an annual B.B.C. thing for fourteen year olds and under, if I am remembering correctly. I am too old now, but I wish you luck if you enter it! I believe it starts sometime near March. -Isobel
Isobel C. on 14 February, 2015Dear Lucy, Thanks so much! -Isobel
KayBee on 12 February, 2015I really liked this story! What was the competition called? Is it an annual thing?
Lucy on 18 March, 2014Really enjoyed that It's great
Isobel C. on 23 December, 2013Dear Artemisia, Thanks again! Looking back, I would definitely change a few things about it but I think the concept was okay in itself. I always re-read what I've written and then wish I could delete it and restart, with the same ideas and different words! Strange isn't it? -Isobel
Artemesia on 22 December, 2013This was an interesting story! I really enjoyed how you wrote it like she was fishing, then at the end she woke up and she was blind. You are really a great writer! And you did all this in under 500 words! Amazing!
Isobel C. on 6 October, 2013Dear Kara, Thank you! -Isobel
Kara on 30 September, 2013To this Story I can Not more say than: WOW!!! Only wow, wow, wow, WOW!!!! I Love it Yours Kara